Dear stupid little shit(s),

Yes, I gave you a fake phone 3 months ago. I had a bag of fakes for models we no longer carry. And as I’ve told you every week since then, I don’t have any to pass out and you wouldn’t get one anyway because I’ve already given one to you. Please leave the vicinity of my booth before I am forced to take a very dirty fake phone (kept for that very reason) and force it up your throat.

And considering where the phone would need to go in order to go up your throat, it won’t be a pleasant experience.

Dear Giant Bitch at Register 18,

For the love of god, please just shut the fuck up. Yes, the jeans were on the wrong rack. Yes, the tag or the sign said $9. You’ve said this 45 times now. We’ve all heard you. That doesn’t change the fact that the managers are not going to give the $21 jeans to you for $9. The more you yell, the less we like you.

And no, we don’t give a flaming rat’s ass if you’re never going to shop here again. In fact, we’d prefer if you didn’t.

Dear Bearded Dragon Lady,

Please shave. The razors are 3 aisles down on the right.

Sincerely,
The booth jockey @ 20