Dear customers,

In an effort to preserve the sanity of my coworkers and myself, here is a small list of requests and rules that we think you should abide by.

Regarding your directions…. Please understand that when your doctor writes a script with the directions “1 tablet at bedtime,” it means your main bedtime and does not include your afternoon naps. Likewise, when your labels say “1 tablet twice a day if needed,” your doctor means you shouldn’t be taking more than 2 tablets in a day, not the 4 tabs your strange math calculations seem to work out to.

To our valued customers on Suboxone…. Do not get pissed off at us because we told your dentist that you’re taking Suboxone when you drop off a RX for something you probably should definitely not be taking if you’re trying to get off the hard shit. The man needs to know this sort of information, and “I’m ashamed that I’m on it” is not a valid excuse for withholding your medical history from a health care provider. If you’re taking Subs, do not give us shit when we give you shit for buying a 10-pack of needles. Your doctor doesn’t even believe your bullshit anymore, and it never ceases to amaze us that your father still thinks you only bought the syringes for some dude in the parking lot.

Early Oxycontin refills… We have several patients on oxycontin. For the most part, they are nice guys who know when they can get their next fills. However, there are some of you who insist upon coming in 2-3 weeks early. You know that you got a 30 day supply, there’s no reason you should be coming in after 13 with a new prescription with the same directions. And telling us that you need an early refills override because your doctor changed you from 2 tabs to 3 tabs daily is not a valid excuse when we know you still have 2 weeks available even with the dose change. Unlike you, we are not morons.

Socially inept…. Don’t hit on us. Ever. We don’t want to know that your Viagra prescription is “for experimental use only.” We don’t need to hear how expensive it is to get a woody these days, nor do we need to know that you’re only getting it “just in case.” Don’t bleed on our counter, or hand us a script with bloody fingerprints all over it. This rule is especially important if you happen to be one of our HIV+ customers.

And for the love of all things holy, do not ask us which brand of condoms will fit your 15 year old son.

Sincerely,
Your pharmacy team.

The other night I had a dream that we were moving again, and we had a load of strange pets. I was in the driveway playing leap-frog with a kangaroo, and everytime the kangaroo jumped over me I would yell “A dingo ate my baby!”

Our power went out last night, interrupting us halfway through CSI. An hour or so later we gave up waiting for things to come back on so we just went to bed.

My new schedule starts to go into effect next week, and I’m not working a single closing shift at all. I’m thrilled. I also get to go to court on Thursday because of a speeding ticket that I got a couple of week ago. I get to watch a bunch of shows that I don’t normally get to watch, which will be fun.

Speaking of work, here’s a bit of advice for anyone who would like to be a pharmacy tech. If you come into the store and pick up your prescription of Suboxone because you’re addicted to something nasty, don’t also ask for a 10-pack of syringes for your “diabetic grandmother”, tell us you need another copy of the job application because you screwed up the first one, and attempt to steal a Beany Baby on your way out the door. Just go home and try to come up with a better excuse for buying syringes while you’re supposed to be clean. Everyone and his brother that buys syringes is getting them for a diabetic grandmother, you’re not original.