Robin recently made a post about how according to the fine folks over here, us childfree people are “stunted souls”. Hmm. I was unaware that the fact that I choose not to have children - and yes, having children is a choice, not a requirement in life - had any bearing on my soul. I thought that I was just being smart enough to know better than to do that to myself and any child I gave birth to.

But let’s go back to the beginning and find out exactly why I’m childfree, shall we?

Back in either 1999 or 2000, when I was still living in Warwick with Chris, my period decided to show up a record 20 days late. To be honest, after the first year or so we never really played it safe when it came to sex; he (and the other 2 guys before him) was a virgin and inexperienced when we first got together, so it was a pretty good assumption that the two of us were STD-free, and we relied on him pulling out almost exclusively as birth control. Not the smartest thing in the world I’ve ever done, eh? Up until that point where I had to sit down and tell him I was late that month, we’d never really discussed the topic of what we’d do in the event of an “accident”. I knew that he wanted kids eventually, and I was of the belief that I’d have them at some point because that’s what you did: married, settled down, had a kid or 3, etc. But there was a time during those 20 days when I was looking through my Livejournal to find out when I last mentioned having cramps or being completely PMS-bitchy when it hit me that I didn’t want to have a child. I didn’t want to have one then, and I was pretty certain that I didn’t want one ever.

It wasn’t just a matter of not being ready for a child in my early 20’s. It was the knowledge that I would probably never be able to adequately care for a child. I was working for the bank, nights, for about $10/hour, rarely saw Chris because he was working days, and ate one meal a day. We had a couple of cats and a fridge stocked full of beer, and a house messier than what Eddie and I are in right now. That wasn’t a life that I wanted to bring a child into. Sure, I know that a lot of people will say that things change when you have a kid, and that even those who may not want kids change their mind when they turn up pregnant, but there’s no guarantee that I’d change, and so rather than have kids and hope to change for the better, I made the decision not to have them. I’d rather be irresponsible in my life the way we are now than attempt to be the responsible parent, fail, and resent my kids.

It wasn’t until 2001 that I discovered that there’s a name for people who choose not to have kids - childfree. Granted, my knowledge of other childfree people at the time was limited to perhaps the worst example of the lifestyle: the CF community over on Livejournal, largely known for its drama and wank. Over time I’ve found other people with the same childfree outlook, and we all seem to have the same problem of being scorned for our choice not to have kids. We’re considered selfish, self-centered, child-hating people, and told we’re wrong.

I’m not childfree to piss you off. You, your kids, your nieces, nephews, siblings, and cousins - weighed into my decision NOT AT ALL. My choice to not have kids is not to be taken as a personal affront to your choice to have them. It’s just a choice that I made. What were your reasons for having kids? You like them? You couldn’t see your life without them? The condom broke? That’s your choice, and I respect that, and I would expect that you would respect my choice not to have them. I’m not childfree because I want to put all the children of the world into a bag and drown them in the Arctic Ocean. I don’t care if there are children in the world. I don’t care if I come across them in my daily life. I just don’t want any of my own.

I’m not childfree because I want to make it illegal for you to have children. I don’t want to sterilize you, or get you fired, or take away your welfare, or otherwise compel you to not have children. Have all you want, just don’t expect me to start popping them out. I’m not childfree because I hate people with children. Disliking whining and temper tantrums is not the sole terrain of the childfree.

I’m not childfree because my mother was a self-centered bitch, nor because my step mother was a plain old vanilla bitch, nor because I aided in the raising of my youngest siblings; I’m not rebelling against stupid parents. My mother cared a great deal about our welfare and was very involved in our lives. I didn’t raise my younger sister other than the occasional night of babysitting when I got older.

I’m not childfree because I’m extraordinarily selfish. My desire to live a life without kids is nearly identical to the desire you have to live yours with them. You are no less selfish than I am. In fact, if you ask most parents why they have children, you’ll get answers of “I want to carry on the family name,” or “We have good genes,” and “So we have someone to take care of us when we grow old.” Hmm… those seem to be some pretty selfish reasons to have a child, don’t you think? I’m selfish because I don’t like to spend money on things that I can’t use, like diapers and formula and cute little outfits from Baby Gap.

I’m not childfree because I hated my childhood, or all of my childhood friends, or all of the other people my age. I had an average childhood, wasn’t touched by an uncle,neighbor, or babysitter, and got good grades in school. I had enough friends to amuse myself, but I didn’t require that I be surrounded by them to be happy. And I’m not childfree because I can’t find someone crazy enough to fuck me. On the contrary - my husband is as childfree as I am and we fuck on a regular basis.

That brings us to this point. I was the only one in my class who didn’t have kids when I was in school recently. I’m the only one at work who doesn’t have kids. Only recently have the “when are you giving him some babies?” comments stopped when I tell people how long Eddie and I have been together. My younger sister has said that she’s unsure whether or not she’ll have any, and if she doesn’t want them then I’ll support that decision, regardless of how good a parent I think she’d be. I don’t mind kids, and I happen to think most baby toys and clothes are adorable, but that doesn’t mean that I need to have one to enjoy looking at these things. I’ll be turning 30 next year, and I expect that I’ll be getting the “biological clock” arguments soon. I should be getting my medical coverage soon, and one of the first things I’m looking into doing is getting sterilized, or at least an IUD if the doctors put up a fight. I am childfree, and quite happy to remain that way. I feel comfortable and confident in my decision, and ultimately quite fulfilled. Do you have the same confidence in your decision to raise a child?

Note: bits of this were things saved from the CF community - back when it was still a good place to be CF

If it weren’t for the fact that I’m not wearing pants and have no intention of putting some on, I’d go outside and offer the girls 2 houses away $5 to shut the fuck up already. For the last hour they’ve done nothing but shout “LEMONADE!” at the tops of their lungs, regardless of whether or not there’s anyone driving/walking past to buy it.

I had a terrible sleep last night. I couldn’t get comfy, kept waking up all night, and had trouble getting to sleep because right before we snuggled down to sleep Eddie bitched because I’d only applied to one place online yesterday. Why did I only apply to one?

• I can’t get into hospital work because they want someone more experienced than my 6 weeks.
• Non-hospital coices are limited to private companies and retail. Private companies aren’t hiring at the moment, which he knows just as well as I do because he looked at the fucking classifeds on Sunday.
• We don’t have a phone with minutes on it. Even if I did get a call back, not only would I not know about it, I wouldn’t be able to return the call.

Without bothering to get into all the bullshit about the phone, I simply just told him that there wasn’t anything hiring. His reply was “So why did we shell out all that money for school if you can’t get a job doing it?” Way to be happy I even finished. Way to show some fucking support. Way to make me feel like fucking shit for doing something for myself rather than pleasing every other fucking person around for a change. Add this frustration on top of the fact my mother and grandmother gave us $80 so we could actually have more than $13 to last a week and we’re now about $40 in the hole again because mysterious $4 WalMart charges* keep putting us in the red and you can see why I’m just not having a good day.

* This is his lunch. I just spent the last 6 weeks eating nothing but dinner (if you can call having cereal 4 nights a week “dinner”) and rarely eating lunch the 9 months I was in school, but a $2 coffee every morning unless we’re in the hole already plus $5/day for lunch is ok for him. Yeah, there’s going to be some talking.

Today I’m doing dishes. It sucks, but it needs to be done. I’m also making steak sandwiches for myself for lunch. And later I’m going to take a nap and get the sleep that I should have had last night. And then I’m going to find the number to the IRS so he can call them while he’s at work and get our transcripts so we can get the fucking immigration paperwork fixed and maybe keep him in the damned country.

I got snarky and decided that after the first bunch of emails from people who didn’t understand my pickup time restrictions on the sewing machine, I fired off a somewhat cranky email to the list.

Perhaps I wasn’t clear in the first email.

The sewing machine is only available between now and 3pm, or next week, also in the afternoons. It is not available on the weekends, nor is it available after 3pm. If getting it today prior to 3pm does not work for you, we can make arrangements for sometime next week during the afternoon, prior to 3pm, when I am home.

The emphasis in the note is mine. I figured most people would ignore it, and I’d probably get a couple of annoyed emails from those who wanted the sewing machine and who had already had their emails ignored by me. Imagine my surprise when the first reply I receive about it is from the same person who replied with the previously posted “i’ll pick up after 5pm” assumption, apparently still unable to comprehend simple words.

Thank you, no I didn’t totally get that the first time around. I can come by on Tuesday morning if you like.

Someone take this woman out of the genepool.

I got out of class at about 8:30 and was home before 9am. Obviously I didn’t stay for the massage. It was the last day for 5 classmates; they’re starting their externships next week. All of us pharm.tech people are being farmed out to one large retail pharmacy chain (I won’t mention which one it is, but it’s the biggest one in the US), in different stores, and everyone’s doing interviews this week. And according to several of them, the shit is hitting the fan regarding the externships because of several things:

• We were told to expect to be hired by the company/store we do our externships at. Half of those who did their interviews at these stores were told that the positions may not be as permanent as expected.
• When we went through the application process at the beginning of class, we were told to expect to get at least $11-12/hr from anyplace that hired us after we graduated and finished the externship, and more than that once we passed our big test and considered CPhTs. Only 1 out of the 5 students has been quoted that rate, everyone else was quoted roughly the same amount that anyone walking in off the street would receive, around $8.50-9. Not a rate you expect after shelling out $12,000.
• Managers interviewing students and not having any clue what the externship consists of or what school it is. Managers who did have a clue mocking the school and the choice to pay money to go to school for a position that the company will generally train people to do if they want it.
• Students told that should they be hired after the externship, management won’t consider their schooling/experience at all when deciding wages and responsibility, instead they start at the very bottom rung of the ladder and are considered nothing more than counter help for the first 4.5 months (6 weeks of internship + 3 months after that if they’re hired permanently), or saying flat out that they had no need for us and were only doing it because someone higher up is making them do it.
• District managers completely unwilling to try to work to get people into stores close to students’ houses. Mind you, this is a chain that could be considered the pharmacy version of Starbucks in this area.

This is all on top of the fact that the graduating people have had to constantly hound the education and career services offices to even help us out - we’re supposed to know where our externships are 2 weeks before we graduate because of the interview stuff prior to leaving, and our class was given roughly a week and all told to call the same district manager, who was on vacation at the time everyone was told to call her, adding to the delay even more. One of the career service women came in yesterday to discuss things, and we brought up the question of whether or not they would be arranging for us to take the PTCB, since they’re the ones paying for us to take it, and she had no clue that we even had a certification exam and needed to look into it.