“Gonna shoot the vanilla pudding pop all over your mouth! Oooooh!”
Eddie, doing his best perverted Bill Cosby impression

We get it. There are people on the internet who are willing to fuck your 14 year old daughter. There’s also people out there willing to fuck your 14 year old son. Do we really need what seems to be a damned near weekly series on catching these asshats? I don’t think I’d be quite as annoyed with the shows if it weren’t for the fact that they dwell almost exclusively on the men. Since they started doing this series about 3 months ago, there’s been maybe 1 segment devoted to telling people how to protect their children from internet perverts by not posting 300 question surveys about their personal and school information and sex lives, not letting your 12-year old daughter pose in a bikini on her webcam, and how they really shouldn’t be meeting strange people from the internet, because there’s a lot of social rejects like this guy, that chatted with me yesterday afternoon.

fifo_vs_lifo23: u got nice boobs
fifo_vs_lifo23: love them
fifo_vs_lifo23: do u show?
silvadelle: Nope
fifo_vs_lifo23: i am feeling so horny now
fifo_vs_lifo23: if u want…i can show u
silvadelle: Outgrew the “show everyone my tits” stage about 5 years ago.
fifo_vs_lifo23: which stage r u in now?
fifo_vs_lifo23:
silvadelle: The “fed up with people assuming webcams equal free porn” stage.

Or this guy, who just got me a couple of minutes ago:

stevo123 :: well do u have msn
silvadel :: I do, but we’re chatting here and that’s enough.
stevo123 :: u can add me?
stevo123 :: thats cool im pretty sure u might wanna consider checkin me out
stevo123 :: canadianhockeyicon@hotmail.com [So, um, does anyone wanna check him out?]
silvadel :: No thanks, no desire to watch webcams. They bore me.
stevo123 :: just do it;)
stevo123 :: canadianhockeyicon@hotmail.com
silvadel :: Um, no.
stevo123 :: im pretty sure ull regret it, just add me then see what u think of me
stevo123 :: i have pics and a cam
silvadel :: I don’t particularly care.
stevo123 :: u got a nice rack
silvadel :: So I’ve been told.
stevo123 :: ur fuckin hot thats why this is ridiculous
stevo123 :: i was hoping ud be down with chattin with a hockey player [Have hockey players been granted super-sexual powers in the time since I stopped having sex with them?]
silvadel :: I’ve dated hockey players. No difference between you and other guys.
stevo123 :: u like younger men
stevo123 :: ur a fuckin milf thats for sure [MILF? Fuck no.]
silvadel :: I like all men. Age is a number.
stevo123 :: lets see the rack ;), amazing
silvadel :: You are aware that this isn’t an adult site, correct?
stevo123 :: i could care less, i like what i see in front of me
silvadel :: Doesn’t give you the right to be an ass and ask for shows.

Yes, I was called a milf. *boggle* I guess milf has changed from “mother I’d like to fuck” to “generic older women I’d like to fuck”.

d.2199@gmx.de: hello
(insert something witty): hi
d.2199@gmx.de: are you wearing a blue pjama? [I think this is the new version of "What are you wearing?"]
d.2199@gmx.de: +y
(insert something witty): yes
d.2199@gmx.de: cool i watch you’re cam [Thank you, Captain Obvious]
(insert something witty): figured that, no other way you’d know what I’m wearing
d.2199@gmx.de: where are you from?
(insert something witty): rhode island
d.2199@gmx.de: wanna open the pyjama? *gg* [Give him credit for getting right down to the nitty-gritty]
(insert something witty): nope. not that kind of cam.
d.2199@gmx.de: that’s a pity
(insert something witty): There’s plenty of people out there willing to get naked. I’m not one of them.
d.2199@gmx.de: which one do it. [So now I'm a directory of free porn?]
d.2199@gmx.de: ?
d.2199@gmx.de: watching you’re cam is
(insert something witty): I don’t know any of them, since I don’t chat with them. I’m not particularly interested in finding free webcam shows, or any webcam shows for that matter.
d.2199@gmx.de: i mean, watching you’re cam costs nothing right? [Unless I've got some secret way of stealing his billing information as he watches....]
(insert something witty): Right. I don’t charge.
d.2199@gmx.de:
d.2199@gmx.de: do youlike it if men watching you?
(insert something witty): I don’t care who watches me
d.2199@gmx.de: you are so cold [Ouch.]
(insert something witty): No, I just don’t consider my cams to be that interesting.
d.2199@gmx.de: i like your face
(insert something witty): thanks
d.2199@gmx.de: are you angry if i wank my dick? [I don't want to know what other parts he's capable of wanking.]
(insert something witty): No, but I don’t need to hear about it.
d.2199@gmx.de: *kuss3*
d.2199@gmx.de: how old are you?
(insert something witty): 29
d.2199@gmx.de: tired? [He must have seen me yawning]
(insert something witty): little bit
d.2199@gmx.de: are you chating with someone at the moment?
(insert something witty): nope, most of the people I normally chat with are at work right now
d.2199@gmx.de: are you alone at home? [Isn't this how we were always warned that STRANGERS would approach us? Asking if we were all alone?]
(insert something witty): Right now? Yes. I work afternoons this week.
d.2199@gmx.de: have you ever get naked in front of your cam?
(insert something witty): I’ve had my webcams for about 7 years now. I stopped doing the “get drunk and flash the camera” thing about 5 years ago.
d.2199@gmx.de: oh sweety, that’s a pity.
(insert something witty): Maybe disappointing for you, but really, I get nothing out of getting naked on cam. So I don’t do it.
d.2199@gmx.de: yeah, but you make the men happy and they can jerk off [Yes, it's all about the men, right?]
(insert something witty): I get nothing out of that.
d.2199@gmx.de: knuddel [Hmm?]
d.2199@gmx.de: you could stroke your vagina. than you have fun too *lol*
(insert something witty): I prefer to do that with my husband, not random desperate guys on the internet.
d.2199@gmx.de: hm…okay you suck your husbands dick in front oif the cam [Because if Eddie participates, then I'll jave no problem doing it for free.]
(insert something witty): No, I don’t do any of that in front of the cam.
(insert something witty): I prefer to keep my private life private.
d.2199@gmx.de: *heul*
d.2199@gmx.de: have you big or small boobs?
(insert something witty): What does it matter to you, you’ll never see them.
d.2199@gmx.de: have you msn girlfriends?
(insert something witty): I have a husband. That’s all I need.
d.2199@gmx.de: i wanna fuck you in you cute mouth right now :P;) [At this point, I figure until he starts being polite, I won't answer him.]
d.2199@gmx.de: do you like it to suck a big cock?
(insert something witty): Are you going to make polite conversation, or continue the pathetic attempts to get me to cyber you?
(insert something witty): Because honestly, you’re not that interesting, and your attempts are some of the most pathetic I’ve encountered.
d.2199@gmx.de: my english is not so good. a moment please [2 minutes pass while I assume he's running my text through Babelfish]
d.2199@gmx.de: ah. i understood. but i’m don’t interested in your opinion

rowemichael83: @ 3:36:58 :: hows the wend’ys lol
silvadel: @ 3:37:10 :: it’s from yesterday. Empty
rowemichael83: @ 3:37:34 :: ooooooo lol
rowemichael83: @ 3:37:55 :: have msn
silvadel: @ 3:38:04 :: yes, why?
rowemichael83: @ 3:38:22 :: just asking lol
silvadel: @ 3:38:44 :: I don’t chat on it. If the people watching me want to chat, this is the place.
rowemichael83: @ 3:39:03 :: u no what not far i can c u u cant c me yes i got a webcam on msn [This seriously made my brain hurt to read]
silvadel: @ 3:39:38 :: I don’t watch cams
rowemichael83: @ 3:40:00 :: i can c u
rowemichael83: @ 3:40:13 :: u cant c me
silvadel: @ 3:40:36 :: Yeah, so? I don’t want to see you. That would be the meaning behind “I don’t watch cams.”

Not me, of course. I recently modified my ICQ settings to allow non-buddies to message me, opening myself up for a whole slew of freaks and wierdos, like this 15 year old guy who caught me this morning.

309303186: hey hot stuff
309303186: wanna chat
chickygrrlie: hi
309303186: like your pick u look hot
chickygrrlie: thanks
309303186: i’d love to get inyour pants
chickygrrlie: Not gonna happen. I prefer my men to be real, not random strangers on the net living in Mommy’s basement.
309303186: shut up u ho
309303186: yea skank
chickygrrlie: Hey, you’re the one who messaged me saying I’m hot and you want in my pants. That just screams “o god u have titties and i’ve never seen a real 1 b4!!!1″
309303186: shut up bitch and ive seen tons of tits but yours are probably saggy
chickygrrlie: You’re still here? I would have thought you’d have grabbed your jar of vaseline by now and start jacking to that one tiny picture of me. *fap*fap*fap*
309303186: your so retarded
309303186: you would do any thing to get a dick once and a while
chickygrrlie: Me? retarded? I’m not the one still persisting in talking to some cunt who’s made it clear she wants nothing to do with you.
chickygrrlie: Actually, I can get dick whenever I want. I’m married.
309303186: then y do u put your name were anyone can tlk 2 ya
309303186: but w/e bitch bye
chickygrrlie: I chat. I don’t deal with 15 year old desperate fucktards.
chickygrrlie: But enjoy the random messages you might get once I post this conversation on my homepage with the other freaks

And then there was this guy who messaged me earlier this week via Yahoo:

imbmbbs: hi
*** Auto-response sent to imbmbbs: I am currently away from the computer.
imbmbbs: pls dont tell lie

Because you know, if I wanted to ignore somone, I’d take the time to type in a response saying I’m not available.