I'm just a 31 year old chick from Rhode Island, married to a Canadian, tattooed, childfree, and a World of Warcraft addict. I fancy myself a photographer, or an artist, but who am I kidding - I count pills and sell drugs to junkies.
I write about everything. If you don't like it, if it's too personal, if you don't want to hear it, if it offends you, if it's about you, I don't care.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
Attn: All Gamer Nerds
After giving your wife/girlfriend/whatever some awesome oral sex - the likes of which she hasn’t had in a while - and bringing her to a mindblowing climax, the polite thing to if you want her to return the favor is to simply ask for it, not roll over and exclaim in your best Mortal Kombat voice, “FINISH HIM!”
A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks.
While they’re sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar - a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. “First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.” So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue! Salty but okay.
He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is okay. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it
…in one second the sharp lime taste hits
…at two seconds the Baileys curdles
…at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.
This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend.
She smiles widely at him and says, “So, how did you like it? It’s called a Blow Job Revenge!”
The wonderful agony of oral sex: “She was out of my car and into her house before I knew it. I quickly drove off, not wanting to face her rifle-wielding father, with seminal fluid still meekly drizzling out of my penis, my face covered in her spit and my sperm, laughing at the absurdity of my life.
I had no idea that this would only be the first in a long line of blowjob follies.”
