I recently updated my resume on Monster.com, and now i’ve getting people emailing me with job info. most of it is the typical “you fit this profile blah blah blah” from temp agencies. However, I got this wonderful one this afternoon:
Your interests and experience match those for a Customer Service Representative position. This position will be located in our Lincoln, RI Call Center. The Customer Service Representative position handles inbound calls from [company name] customers who have questions about their accounts….
The company? The new owners of the bank that I worked for before. So I just got an email from the same HR people who almost 3 years ago fired me. I’m half-pondering going in there to see if I can get a job offer and then turning them down, or at least replying back to the HR woman with a message telling her to look through the personel files.
On 5/13/02 I opened 2 passbook accounts with the same opening balance ($410.00). On 5/31/02 this account (xx-xxxxxx8606) was only credited with 16 cents interest and the other account (xx-xxxxxx8614) was credited with 17 cents interest.
Please correct this as both accounts are to have the same amount of interest. If you have any questions, please contact me at the above e-mail address.
When you’re making .8% interest, I guess that whole penny makes a huge difference.
Dear customers,
When attempting to dispute charges from Ifriends, please note that we, your customer service reps, will laugh at you. Especially if you have previously had charges from not only Ifriends but Neodate.com, match.com, and Yahoo Personals, as well as about $75 in charges from ibill.com, ccbill.com, and paycom.net. You are a lonely, desparate man, and you need to push away from the computer.
Sincerely, Your customer reps
“To whom it may concern/ Attn: Kim - Marketing DeptI am trying to reach a woman named Kim, who works in yourMarketing Department. I met her this past Sunday (11/25/01) in Boston at a sports bar, and I am asking for your help in trying to reach her. I can only describe her as 25-29 years old, 5′3-5′5, shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, attractive, and of Italian or Greek decent. I realize this is an odd request, and an odd forum to begin my search, but this is the only way that I can think of that I might be able to reach her again. I am hoping thatbeginning with you, and although quite a long-shot, this message will ultimately end-up in her email in-box. I only ask that you forward this email to someone whom you may think can help me. Again, my ultimate goal is that this email, after being forwarded through several departments & people, will eventually reach her.
Please take a moment to consider my request, and help me reach her if you can. The only other information I have is that she travels to Albany NY on the corporate jet, and frequently is involved with [bank name] functions that Red Sox players Pedro Martinez & Nomar Garciaparra attend. Thank you for your help. Again, all I ask is that you forward this message to the next department or appropriate person who may be able to help me. Kim: It was nice taking to you Sunday. I hope we meet again. Contact me at the email address listed below if this long-shot message reaches you.Sincerely,[name and email withheld to protect my ass]“
This man has balls of solid brass.
My manager here at work just ran down the aisle, stood behind me while I’m on the phone with a customer, took a big hit of helium off the “employee appreciation” ballons we’ve got in here, and made me laugh so hard I nearly hung up on the poor guy.
And you all think people at bankd are stiffs.
