I'm just a 31 year old chick from Rhode Island, married to a Canadian, tattooed, childfree, and a World of Warcraft addict. I fancy myself a photographer, or an artist, but who am I kidding - I count pills and sell drugs to junkies.
I write about everything. If you don't like it, if it's too personal, if you don't want to hear it, if it offends you, if it's about you, I don't care.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
Me: [patiently waiting for my grilled cheese sandwich] Can you cut it into triangles?
Eddie: You’ll get it whatever way I want to give it to you.
Me: Noooo! I’m gonna tell Mom you won’t cut it into triangles!
Eddie: And I’m gonna tell her you won’t let me do you up the ass. Now take your sandwich.
From the Studen Doctor Network Forums, where they have perhaps the greated thread ever devoted to things they’ve learned from their patients:
“If you are 13 and feeling….experimental….Don’t use the dish hose from the sink as your ambassador to rectal pleasure. If you do, the spring-loaded handle thingy will open after you shove it up past the anus, making it impossible to get out.
Furthermore, it will be difficult to explain to your step-father when he discovers you how you became ‘tethered’ to the sink by the dish hose.
You’ll have to have it surgically removed. And I’m betting nobody will volunteer to do the dishes ever again…”
Last night, a little after 8pm, Eddie are and I are snuggled on the couch watching Survivor when we hear a knock on the door. Knowing it can only be the little man upstairs, I grab Pickle and Eddie takes the gate down and opens the door a crack to find out just what the hell he wants.
“Tomorrow ees Friday,” he says. “The city come and collect trash.”
Yes, well no shit! Could that be the reason why we took the trash out this week?!?!
Yes people, Friday is trash day in this part of Pawtucket, which is exactly why we took trash out this week when we had a full bag, exactly as we’ve always done when we have a full bag. Because you know, otherwise we hoard it in here or something.
I really need to get working and get out of this fucking place.
ed: I’m gonna stick it up your ass
me: I’m not drunk enough
ed: *laugh*
me: and if I was drunk enough, I’d be too loud.
We did some grocery shopping today, enough food to get us through the next week or so. I’ve discovered that I really like the Dannon strawberry-banana smoothies. I picked out some microwavable hot fudge for our ice cream, without realizing that our microwave is very small and the plastic bottle won’t fit in there. Whoops.
Later Eddie dropped me off in a fabric store while he hit the liquer store. I wanted to check out the fabric because I wanted to see my options in case the stuff I got on ebay yesterday doesn’t get here in time. Bride Monkey needs to be done by Thursday night because she needs to get brought to work on Friday for a wedding on Saturday. This means that I need to have the fabric in my hot little hands by Wednesday at the latest, and that would mean that it’s a damned good thing that the pattern has already been worked out for the most part; I still need to figure out the sleeves, but I don’t immagine that it would be incredibly difficult to find some simple pattern similar online. God bless the internet. The only thing that may need to be bought is the trim, but that depends on how full I make the skirt and whether or not I trim the sleeves.
Tomorrow we’ll be going to Mom’s for football and wings. It’s been raining for the past few hours, so I doubt we’ll be going to the flea market. We’ve also got to stop at Walmart to find some soda (it was $5/case at Stop & Shop, which is terrible) and go to Petco to pick up a Kong or two for Pickle to replace the holy keychain, which is ready to be retired. Personally, I think that they look like big red buttplugs, and if real buttplugs weren’t so expensive I’d buy her a couple of rubber ones just for the sheer shock value and hilarity of it all. Up for debate is whether or not she actually comes to Mom’s with us.
