Stories like this scare me. Is it really any surprise that webcams are synonymous with porn? Between the teenage cammers showing for DVDs and items from their wishlists, and the pay-per-view business via Ifriends-style sites or a Paypal/instant messenger combination, the novelty of webcams offering a view of anything other than panty-clad asses, low-slung boxers, or a quick peek at the lower curve of some teenage titties has worn off completely.

I got my cam in 1999, a year before the boy in this article. At that time, they weren’t exactly cheap, but we just starting to drop in price and gain popularity. I remember the days when anyone who was anyone in the webcam world was listed on all the right ranking sites, and we all pretty much knew each other. There was always that blurry line between being a “life cam” and being a camwhore. It only took a couple of drinks to push me over that line, and I can remember watching other people who were the same way. I can think of at least 2 or 3 who were decidedly underage or barely legal and showing a lot more than just their boxers or panties - anyone remember webseth’s really early, choppy sex videos? There was a gradual shift of content on places like Camarades and Annabella’s ranking page; more sex, more cleavage, more page hits, higher votes. Votes and hits were like a status symbol to us.

It kinda makes me wonder what might have happened if I’d had lied about my age (I was 22 when I first went on camera) or had set up my wishlist a couple of years earlier. Or what might have happened if I was living on my own rather than with Chris.

Food for thought.

I decided about 2 weeks ago that I would not be attending the Toll Gate High School Class of ’95’s 10 year reunion tomorrow night. Part of me wanted to go. That part of me wanted to go and see what happened to people, check out who lost weight and who got fat. I wanted to see if those class superlatives were still the same people they were when we walked across the stage at the Warwick Musical Theater that warm day in June. Is the “Most Unusual” Belinda Serabian still dying her hair fire-engine red? Did those voted “Most Likely to Succeed” become millionaires or flunk out of college after their first year? Are the “Most Athletic” students flabby, drunk, 2-pack-a-day white-trash? Part of me wants to look at the preppy cheerleaders and gloat about their post-baby bodies.

There’s other parts of my brain chiming in about the reunion as well. A big part of me doesn’t want to go there weighing roughly 70lbs more than I did when I got my diploma. I’m well aware of the fact that as I’d be sitting there gloating about the cheerleaders and all those in-crowd girls who put on weight, there would be those there who would be looking at me and gloating for the very same reasons.

There’s also the matter of friends. My best friend moved to Minnesota 2 years after we graduated, and prior to that we lost contact with most of the crowd we ran with. I use the term “crowd” very loosely, since our friends were comprised of all those people who really fit in no other group. I was in too many honors classes to hang out with the skaters, but considered most of the students in my classes to be elitest assholes and was never really be friendly with them, and our socialization was limited to asking to borrow someone’s notes from the day before. I had, at most, 5 or 6 good friends in school, only 1 of which I’ve had any contact with in the last 10 years.

Moneywise, even if I’d wanted to go we wouldn’t be able to do so. It would cost us $80 to go to the reunion at a local restaurant. This doesn’t include the valet parking that would be required, since the place offers nothing else. $80 is a decent chunk of change to us right now, and besides, why would we want to go to hang out, even for just one night, with a bunch of people that I didn’t give a flaming rat’s ass about 10 years ago? Logically, if I felt like trying to find everyone, I could use that $80 and organize a mini-reunion between the 5 or 6 of us, complete with pizza and beer and conversations involving how bad we looked back then and how awful our teachers were.

It took me most of highschool to learn not to try to be someone I wasn’t, trying to fit in with everyone. Why the hell should I go back 10 years later and try to do that all over again? I’m not the same person anymore, but I’m willing to bet most of them are the same stuck-up asses they always were.

Life: Eddie and I have decided to start looking into getting a house. We’re currently paying $625 for our apartment, and while rents in the area are typically in the $900+ range for something comparable in size, and we could probably get ourselves a small house/trailor and pay less if we look hard enough (we’re looking for something under $100k, if that gives you any idea of our financial situation). So I ask, does anyone have any helpful hints/links/advice for first time buyers, one of whom has awful credit, and one who has next to none?

Work:
Wednesday - Nothing, literally. I went to work, sold a phone card. Didn’t get any email at all from my boss. Odd, but not entirely unheard of if it’s a slow day. I got an email towards the end of the day from the cash management lady wanting to know if a missing deposit was hidden in the booth somewhere. Pay attention, this fact is important later.

Thursday - Nothing once again. I didn’t even sell a phone card. The first week of the month is usually slow, since people are paying their bills and don’t want to drop the money for a phone and potential deposit. I emailed back and forth with a teammate and the cash management people about the missing deposit and surfed the web. At the very beginning of the day I had a visit from the city tax assessors about who our parent company was because something got fucked up with some paperwork. I called my boss, Liz, and got her voicemail as normal for that time of day, so I told her that I had a city worker there with some questions and to call me back ASAP. After lunch, when I realised that neither the taxman nor my boss had gotten back to me, I wondered what was up, and decided that if I hadn’t heard anything during the rest of the afternoon that I’d assume management had a meeting but let Liz know when I checked out via voicemail that I hadn’t received any sort of emails from her or the asst. manager and was curious if our sales were that bad or if she had taken me off a mass mailing list while I was on vacation and forgot to put me back on when I got back.

Today - No emails from my boss, nothing at all. Just after lunchtime I emailed both members of management to find out exactly what was going on (unfortunately I didn’t out a read receipt on it), but by the end of the day I did manage to have a nice little chat on the phone with a teammate whom I trained with in another store.

“Did Liz tell you anything about them closing your store or changing managers?”

Hmmm… interesting, but not entirely surprising really. Apparently, this teammate has it on very good authority that by June, all the Wal*Mart kiosks will be gone, and for the time being they will taking the kiosk team managers and moving them to stores and assigning the management duties of the kiosk to the closest corporate store until the kiosk is closed down in a couple of months. The agent in the booth at Eddie’s store was notified of this development not by our manager, but by his new manager who dropped in for a visit and delivered the news. The girl I spoke with on the phone was told by our manager, who told her that the new manager would be in to meet her this week, but has not heard anything from the new manager at all yet.

Looks like it’s time to update the resume.

If anyone has ever taken a minute or 5 to read the crap posted on Group Hug, you’ll immediately notice that all the confessions sound like they’re ripped from some 14 year old Livejournal user’s recent entries page. Things like:

i love you matthew, i wish you would love me too and we could skate off into the sunset

Typical middle school crush. Sometimes they post several confessions at once:

I have several confessions to make.. Im a 16 year old male

1- I smoke weed and enjoy it… Its so fun to get f*cked up and do things u really wouldnt do when ure in a normal state..
2- I forced my friend to smoke a joint, and it got him really messed up because hes got ADHD.. I have regrets about it, but at the same time it was fun seeing it..
3- I gave a guy a bj once, to try it out, because i was scared i was gay.. I didnt like it.. thankfully…
4- I’ve cheated on a lot of my tests in high school to pass.. Im simply too tired to study when i can go out with friends, party and smoke some weed..
5- I fingered my cousin when i was 13 and she was 10… i feel really disgusting and i wish i never did it..
6- I cheated on my girlfriend a month ago during the summer.. the funny thing is, Im crazy about my gf, but i dont feel bad about cheating on her..
well thats about all.. now i feel releaved.. =)

Sometimes the confessions are nasty and cruel…

i sometimes wipe the knob cheese round my helmet with my index finger then smear it round my bosses mug at work…i feel guilty but i think he likes it

The posts seem to fall into a couple of distinct categories. The “I’m going to kill myself because no one loves me” posts, the “I hate [insert specific race/creed/religion]” confessions, confessions from straight men who have fantasies about other men, and people who are cheating or have cheated on their signifigant others. But tonight I saw one that was perhaps the best entry put on there ever:

I confess I’m a know-it-all. So listen up, party people:

If you have strange sexual fantasies, you’re not fucked up, just human. It’s normal. And they’re just fantasies…Enjoy.

Don’t have sex if you’re not ready yet. You will regret it and you can’t take it back. Then you’ll really be fucked.

You WILL NOT die a virgin. Someone out there wants you, I promise. Have a little patience, my friend. Find some way to improve or distract yourself in the meantime.

If you want to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, get out of the relationship first (clearly it’s not meeting your needs). Then go crazy. Do whatever you like.

If someone you like doesn’t like you back, realize it may be better in the long run that you don’t get your way. You could end up wasting half your life on the WRONG person.

If you hate yourself or want to kill yourself, first ask yourself this: “Have I done everything in my power to change my shitty situation, or am I paralyzed by fear?” It’s always easier to complain/self-loathe/self-pity than to take action, even if you really want to change.

If you’re seriously considering killing others, lean toward killing yourself instead.

Don’t hold grudges. What’s done is done. Life is too short. What’s important is what’s happening NOW.

If you’ve done something bad in the past, either make it right, or confess it here and MOVE ON. (And don’t do it again, please.)

You’ve heard it before, I’ll say it again: Treat EVERYONE else the way you WANT to be treated. Just try it, like, tomorrow. You’ll immediately find everything seems much more pleasant.

Now stop reading this crap and go out and LIVE.

… why Aerosmith, who have a brand-spanking new song out, have to sing an overplayed, suck-ass song from 3 years ago?