3 nights, 3 chats. The fun never ends!
For a limited time only, saidshe.net, formerly chicky.net is offering bargain basement prices on freaky chats! You’ve seen them before, and you loved them, so here’s your chance to get yourself this fine collectable piece. We’ve slashed prices and these are ready to move! We’ll start you off with a simple introductory chat for just $0. You heard me right, just $0!
mattress217: asl? [Do not start a conversation like this. It just smacks of "ignorent bastard".]
silvadelle: all in my profile, which I’m assuming you didn’t read.
mattress217: u in ri?
silvadelle: Yes
mattress217: where?
silvadelle: Pawtucket, why?
mattress217: im in middlet0wn
mattress217: what d u d0? [Generally this is code for "what do you do on camera that will help me jack off in my basement bedroom?"]
silvadelle: Pharmacy, web design, video games. [And because I know this code, I play dumb and ignore it.]
mattress217: ur sexy
silvadelle: So I’ve been told.
mattress217: wanna see my sh0t [Shot of vodka? Tequila? Odds are it's neither of these.]
silvadelle: Not particularly.
mattress217: single?
silvadelle: Does it matter?
mattress217: u d0nt have fun?
silvadelle: If I tell you I am, you’ll just insist that you’re hot enough to get me to make a drive to Middletown to fuck your brains out, and if I tell you I’m not, you’ll completely ignore me. Thus I keep my status as “unknown”.
mattress217: w0uld u drive t0 middlet0wn? [My theory is true!]
silvadelle: Fuck no.
mattress217: l0l
silvadelle: I don’t go blowing strangers I meet off the net.
mattress217: bl0wing? [I like how he phrases it like a question, as though he really just wanted to share a nice meal. And maybe a simple handjob.]
mattress217: nice
mattress217: u g0t 0ther sh0ts 0f u?
silvadelle: They’re all on my homepage. Link is in the profile. I’m going to bed.
But wait! There’s more! We’ll throw in a second chat, this one on Wednesday night, at no additional charge! Now how much would you pay?
mattress217: whatcha d0in sweetie?
silvadelle: playing World of Warcraft
mattress217: whatcha wearin?
silvadelle: clothes? [I seriously wonder if this lame-ass attempt at a pickup line will ever go out of style. Probably never, along with "a/s/l"]
mattress217: i wanna see [And I wanna get a pony.]
silvadelle: then you go to my homepage and look at my cam. it’s easy enough for anyone with half a brain.
mattress217: is ur webcam 0n?
mattress217: invite me t0 see it [Didn't I just explain that the webcam is on my site, or was I suddenly typing in Swahili?]
silvadelle: it’s on my homepage your daft twit.
mattress217: thanks al0t
mattress217: i d0nt see the link
silvadelle: then you’re not looking very hard. [must b difficult t0 c0ncentrate when ur w0rried ab0ut typin like this]
mattress217: u were sexy the 0ther night [Mind you, he didn't see me last night, aside from a handful of 4 year old cam archives.]
mattress217: i l0ve th0se big titties
mattress217: lemme se em [Suddenly, I'm supposed to take orders from some moron who can't read a link that says "webcam"]
mattress217: see
silvadelle: No.
mattress217: what t0wn u in?
silvadelle: pawtucket, why? [We've been over this. I hate repeating myself for these jackoffs.]
mattress217: i was there t0day
mattress217: i want u
silvadelle: good for you
mattress217: u like big dicks?
silvadelle: everyone does.
mattress217: g00d
mattress217: mine is a nice size
mattress217: wanna see/.
silvadelle: Not particularly.
mattress217: i wanna tittyfuck th0se things
silvadelle: You’ll never get the chance.
mattress217: y
silvadelle: Because I don’t hook up with random desperate guys on the net.
For the low, low price of $0, I’ll give you, my loyal readers, 2 chats for the price of one. If you’re one of the first 5 commenters to act now you’ll receive a special gift! Buy two chats with the same freak at our discount price of $0, and we’ll send you an additional Thursday night chat, fresh from Yahoo, at no additional charge! That’s right, people, you get the Tuesday night chat, the Wednesday night chat, and tonight’s chat for absolutely nothing! You can’t find a better deal than this! Only $0, payable in 4 easy payments of $0 and billed directly to your credit card!
mattress217: what u wearin? [All that blood flow to the cock must have caused brain damage, he can't think of anything new to say.]
silvadelle: Clothes, as usual.
mattress217: bra?
silvadelle: That’s generally part of my typical ensemble.
mattress217: can i see? [Another one with the "it never hurts to ask" mindset.]
silvadelle: Um, no. I don’t do shows. I think we went over this last night.
mattress217: true [Then praytell, why the FUCK did you ask again?]
mattress217: when did u get laid last?
silvadelle: That’s really none of your concern. Unless you’re the guy I’m fucking, my sex life is none of your business.
mattress217: just tryig t0 have fun with u
silvadelle: You’ve spoken to me a few times now, I’d think you’d realize that I’m not into chatting like that.
mattress217: n0 bf? [Ah, he's also got the "she won't flirt with me, she must be a frigid spinster with no sex life to speak of!" assumption]
silvadelle: Actually, next week is my 4 year wedding anniversary.
mattress217: nice
mattress217: s0rry
silvadelle: For what?
mattress217: u never t0ld me
mattress217: i wanted t0 fuck u [I'm willing to bet my paycheck that if he found anything warm, wet, andwillingunable to protest too loudly, he'd want to fuck it, whether it be his neighbor's cat or a squash with a hole in it.]
mattress217: s0rry
silvadelle: As I said before, if I told you, you’d ignore me. Desperate guys like you are endless sources of amusement. for me and my website readers.
Act now! Supplies are limited! No CODs, please!
Oddly enough, he hasn’t messaged me since.
Tags: asl, chat, freak, freaks, freaks, game, infomercial, love, middletown, moron, pawtucket, sex, webcam, yahoo
August 4th, 2006 at 1:38 pm
I take offense with that last chat. I’ve dated two squashes and both of them were respectable and wouldn’t put out without getting married first.
(I think I killed the joke. I’ve reread it twice and the funny is there, it’s just buried…)
August 10th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
Why’d he ask you “asl” when we all know T3s are so much superior (especially when used in conjunction with a server running a mud .. kinda like smoking full-strength ganja)!