I have a love-hate relationship with Freecycle. It’s a good idea, in theory. Have something you don’t want that’s taking up space in your house? Not worth putting it on ebay, or don’t have enough shit to have a yard sale? Send an email to the list and maybe someone will take it off your hands. Need something that’s not worth buying off ebay or new in a store? Email the list and see if anyone has it. Sure, sounds good!

However, there seems to be a few different types of people who use Freecycle. There’s those who use it to find things that actually do need. Maybe they’re looking for toys for their grandkids to play with when they visit. Maybe someone who has just taken up a hobby but isn’t very serious about it wants something to practice with, like me when I wanted a sewing machine last year. There’s people who want old clothes for women’s shelters and blankets for the homeless. There’s collectors looking for old video games in your attic or any junk you might have so they can sell it on Ebay or at the fleamarket.

And then there’s my favorite. The people who post half their life story in the email.

I just moved here from across the country and I left everything! I have 5 beautiful kids and I’m a stay at home single mom and I need a kitchen set (wood please!), a living room set in shades of sage green and cream with matching lamps, beds for each of the children with bedding for all, preferably with Dora, Blues Clues, and Bratz themes, a wrought iron queen bed frame with mattress and boxspring for myself with bedding in light blue, and bathroom decorations with a seashell print. Oh, and if you’ve got any coupons for Marlboros for my wheelchairbound mother who can’t afford to buy them for herself because she’s on a fixed income and her 15 heart medications are expensive, that would be great!

Seriously. No one needs to know this shit. If anything, your attempts to garner favoritism by posting your sob story, true or not, put you at the bottom of my list of people I want to give my shit to.

I also hate posting things on the list. Why? Because as much as I love to get rid of my shit by giving it to people who will get some sort of use out of it, I hate that 90% of the people who reply to my offers try to play Let’s Make a Deal with me. For instance, I posted the following offer this morning:

Passing on one that I got last summer through freecycle - an ancient Kenmore tabletop/portable model in it’s plastic case w/ cover that works beautifully. Heavy as hell and I’ve lost the instruction manual, but it comes with all its attachments. It can be picked up anytime today until 3pm, or we can make arrangements for an afternoon pickup next week.

Does anyone actually read my email aside from the “offer: sewing machine” in the subject? I doubt it. I won’t do pickups after 3pm because I have no idea what we might be doing once Eddie gets home, and I know that we won’t be around on the weekend. Every single email I’ve received so far is from people who can’t pick it up until after they get out of work. And every single email just assumes this is ok. Every. Single. Email.

would make me very happy to swing by and pick up this afternoon after 5. Let me know the address, thanks

I don’t give a shit how happy it would make you to pick it up, don’t just assume that because you’ve emailed me about it that I’m going to change my mind about allowing you to pick it up later. Jesus, people. You’re getting this shit for free, don’t assume that I’m that desperate to get rid of it that I’ll rearrange my schedule for you.

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