Said She

So I just get back from lunch 10 minutes ago, and I’m barely back into my booth when this fat bottle-blond hosebeast comes storming up to my counter like a charging mother rhino and slams a bag full of merchandise on the display.

“Do you remember me?” she asks. I deal with a lot of people every day, and unless they’re repeat customers I can’t remember everyone.

“If you weren’t in here within the last week or so, I’m afraid not.”

She jumps into a semi-sob-story about how she bought this phone recently and it’s not working, and she’s mad and wants a refund on it. I open the boxes and see that the phone is in great condition, barely used, and note that she’s got a car charger in there. Something in my head clicks and I vaguely remember this woman as someone who shelled out $500 one afternoon to buy a Motorola camera phone and set it up as a prepaid, along with an extra $100 card and charger, and she was definitely NOT in here recently - more like 4 months ago. I look over the phone and seeing nothing wrong as her what the issue is, since I know it’s a great phone and I never have had complaints on it.

“It won’t let me make calls! I think something’s wrong with the camera and it used up my minutes because I certainly didn’t use them!” I call the prepaid line to check her balance, and sure enough, there’s no minutes.

“Ma’am, there’s two possibilities. First, you used up all the minutes -”

“I did no such thing! I’ve been in Europe for 3 months!” she shrieks.

“- second is that you didn’t refill the minutes before the first card expired. As I explained when we went over it when you set the phone up, minutes on any card higher than $10 are good for 90 days and if you don’t refill then you lose the minutes.”

“Then that’s what happened and that’s why my phone doesn’t work and I want to return it.”

“You can’t.”

“Then I want to exchange it for one that works.”

“You can’t do that. This phone works. There is nothing wrong with this phone. You can’t exchange it because you’ve had it for 4 months. If you insist on getting a new phone I can sell you one, but you’ll still need to buy minutes.”

“Fine. I’ll keep this one. I hope you lose your job!” she yells as she’s walking away.

And then the greatest thing happened. One of the customers at register 20, the one closest to me, yells out, “Merry Christmas to you too, lady, and I hope you trip in the parking lot!”

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